Roundabout

I went to work. I wandered home. My life was simplified.

For I was there and all alone with no one at my side.

The roundabout of love for me was not an easy ride.

No pity please! I can survive. I’m made of stronger stuff.

That playground’s made me realise that I can be so tough.

I have my health and sense of self, for now that is enough.

I see you look. I see the eyes. You want to ask me why.

Am I aloof, unpopular, or simply high and dry?

That sombre and unsmiling man who watches you pass by.

You turn around. I feel your gaze. You pierce me deep inside.

And all the pain and hurt that over years I’ve tried to hide,

You comprehend and validate then gently put aside.

You take my hand. You swing my heart. You turn my insides out.

You want to change my life and that you can, I have no doubt.

I go to work but simple has become more roundabout.

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Sleep

Creator of the lonely: kept within

A drug to kill and yet to cause the pain

In isolation: ward away the sin

The hold of loss as if it were again

To push away and not to move toward

Rejection an injection to the vain

The nothing is caressed forever flawed

Such hurt inflicted just to void the pain

Regret begets a cycle to despair

A spinning wheel so watch the finger bleed

The soul is in coma from which where

To fail is looking better than succeed

Will not be waken with the purest kiss

Decision made and so prefer to miss

Hard

In being touched was left a mark unseen

And from the living world to be removed

The turmoil deep the surface so serene

And left to only wonder what was proved

In isolation ward off each advance

A wall against the world it shall be built

No touch or feel and preferably no glance

In purdah with another’s shameful guilt

Some people bruise or break their skin and bone

But pain can manifest in darker form

Ever more to feel complete alone

A witness to the darkness of the storm

A stone is found where once there was a life

Survival twists until it blunts the knife

Time

The bells were ringing sound of my alarm

But caught by breeze my caution whisked away

And like bracelet stripped of subtle charm

The gold was tarnished by the end of day

The clock it struck me right between the eyes

A thought was lost in time I’ll come to see

And in my sight it plainly was disguise

I’m anyone as long as I’m not me

Esteem I limbo under at the bar

Each glass more rosy hued as down I fall

From there to here is not so very far

My back desires the prison of the wall

They’re calling time last order is my rite

Beloved I will sink into the night

Angel

You enter in where eagles fear

My agent truth or dare

A shaken stirred and bottles spun

And we are god knows where

I’m taking down the lines behind

For you are at the front

And what is fair in loving wars

When none is innocent

So leave me in the lurching sea

Deserted by your shore

For better is the worst of times

When wisdom wants for more

Here I Am

Who’s the captain? Where’s the ship

Crest of wave and then the dip

Nearly drowning half afloat

Out at sea without a boat

Lost in desert shifting sand

Nothing quite as I had planned

My oasis now mirage

Little problem looming large

Soaking wet or arid dry

Life’s a bitch I can’t deny

Struggle just catch my breath

Here I am but so bereft

Painted

Alone in pearly grey so Garbo chic

Yet you anticipate my every thought

Insidious how you into me seep

But in your foolish games I won’t be caught

Without a word my star that shines ahead

How black and white has cast you in the shade

Your garish technicolour hues are spread

But man or mouse your plans are not well laid

And you will be the people’s choice no doubt

So populist but not what I prefer

You’re zooming in while I have faded out

So many things you are but not demure

Not jaded my depart from tinsel town

The queen is dead all hail the painted clown