Dead or Alive

What did you find in the bottom of the bottle
How many demons to release
Poured you a drink and then poured for you another
One way to get a little peace
What did you want when you told me you were leaving
I watched you falling out the door
Did you believe I would lose myself in grieving
I felt like I'd been through the war
You're so unkind on the days that you are drinking
How many days are in a week
Alcohol won but the friend got lost I'm thinking
Help wasn't something you would seek
Everyone knows never trust an alcoholic
They only want another glass
Hatred you'd spew after being melancholic
Thank you I will not kiss your arse
Nothing is found in the bottom of the bottle
Saving the pain on which your heartache seems thrive
Drinking is one way to numb the pain of hurting
Dead drunk but feel you're still alive

Conscious Beam

So many are not happy with their lot
This life on darkened roads you did not choose
Bemoaning everything that you are not
Will drive you a place where you will lose
Its good to make some changes, take control
Just look within and if by chance you find
That you are not too happy with your soul
Then search until your psyche's realigned
For what you seek is concrete, not a dream
It lives within if you decide to see
So make your inner eye a conscious beam
A torch along the path to who you'll be
And don't give up when frightened and alone
The light of love you shine will guide you home

Pulse

Stop to feel a heartbeat
Everything is fine
Life is ticking over
In the hands of time
Moments lost in chaos
Wonderful release
After seek reflection
Time to make some peace
Life it should be balanced
Up and sometimes down
Swing or roundabout as
Merry we go round
Future's never certain
Yesterday is gone
Feel the rhythm pulsing
Moving you along

…to be

Try to be more social
Mix with different friends
You should just get out more
Know how this one ends

People can be complex
Harsh and unrefined
So my usual reflex
Meetings strictly timed

You can have an hour
You, a little more
Keep you a distance
Tally up the score

Everyday I must see
One or sometimes two
Then I can get on with
What I like to do

People make me tired
Like to be alone
When your time's expired
I will wander home

Life is on the spectrum
Socialising's fraught
With a few controls though
Life is as it ought…

Key

The days of wonder came upon me
Happiness was mine
From deep within my own creation
Now became the time
I searched so long but on my journey
Never went too far
My mind a land so rich to wander
Filled with shining star
For all the universe residing
Locked inside my soul
The emptiness you think I'm hiding
Key to being whole

Deprivation Of Liberty

My confidence secreted up your corporate derrière
And then you try to empathise and tell me that you care
You fucked me metaphorically but never in my bed
The only action you desired was all inside your head
And when I left you said that there was nowhere I would fit
So low you had manoeuvred me I was believing it
I turned the corner, walked away and look at me right now
A happy, independent man whose factor’s set at wow
The politics of what that was I’ll never understand
But you were something shady now I have the upper hand
My victory’s not pyrrhic though I had to cut my cloth
I’m biased but this phoenix feels he left behind the moth
So bye bye blackbird go and eat your slice of humble pie
My liberty was once deprived but now I’ve learnt to fly

Snakebites

So solitary youth a sulky snake that’s in the grass
The hidden pain concealed like acne scarred upon the cheek
A right of passage out to anywhere but here and now
Annoyingly its time withholding answers that we seek
A skulking mess of hormones in the sheets upon the bed
The energy for up and out it has already left
Another day of social hell where no one is a friend
At seventeen so poised for life yet totally bereft
If I could have my youth again I know I would decline
The biting angst of growing pains still gnaw me in the night
The wrongs I thought I’d write about still trapped within my mind
So angry in the dark that much has never seen the light
They say that youth is wasted but I think mine was endured
And even as I age I feel I’m not yet truly cured